Monday, October 17, 2005

Mother Nature is still pissed.

When it rains, it pours. 40 days and 40 nights never sounded so good!!! It appears that mother nature has finally gotten smart, or at least vengeful. In case you haven’t been paying attention for the past few years, good ol momma N has been striking down on us with great vengence and furious anger (sound familiar?). Last year Nature handed out hurricanes like McDonald’s hands out Big Mac’s, and it shows no signs of stopping. Plywood replaces glass as the normal substance used for windows. Canoes replace cars. Soon enough your car seats will be able to be used as a flotation device.

This year has been no better. We’ve got tsunamis and earthquakes worldwide. We used to have New Orleans. Now, we have Venice, LA!

To those of you religious nuts who claimed it was God’s revenge on the gay and corrupt city, please note that one of the main areas that was NOT destroyed by the hurricanes was the heavily gay populated French Quarter (thanks to the Daily Show for informing me of that one)!
Sadly, on the flip side, those of us up North who were enjoying the destruction of the Bush loving South, thinking this was Natures revenge on them for the past 8 years (Made sense, hit Florida first, where they screwed everything up, then just keep on punching away at the South!) well, we got handed our hats this past 2 weeks by insane rainstorms and flooding everywhere! Hey, Wait, I know. We can blame this on the people who voted in Mitt Romney as our Governor. Who invited that asshole anyways? Mitt, take your son Tagg, grab a boat and life preserver, and float away. No one asked you, and you obviously know you you’re not wanted!!

But I Digress… Batten down the hatches, folks. We’ve got another storm a’comin!!! Tropical Storm Wilma is brewin up her bedrock maddness, and may soon be ravaging the aforementioned ravaged Gulf Coast. Maybe we can get rid of Texas with some good old fasioned erosion!!! That’d be neeto. Lets get the Mexican Canal, connecting the Atlantic and Pacific, solving our illegal immigration problems, and giving sea salvage boats something entertaining to dive for. Texas!!! “Check it out, captain, we just pulled up a stone plaque of the 10 Commandments.” “Great. Throw it in the pile with all the others.”

So, get ready folks. Be Prepared. It shows no sign of slowing, and there is just no way of knowing where Nature is going to nail us next. Build your bomb shelters and stock up on the necessities of life.

Let this picture remind you of what is important. He’s an inspiration to us all. You see here everything you need! Go forth and conquer!!!


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