Monday, October 17, 2005

Nostradamus can kiss my ass....

...ahem…I mean, tail.

Phase 37…..we are changing, changing, and we need to change the way things are done. The way they are organized. The government as it stands today obviously was a failed science project akin to a bag of moldy bread tacked to wall with a plaque reading ‘New Life Discovered, Communication Imminent” and a bunch of electrodes hooked to a monitor showing a repeating program of nuclear explosions coupled with rotting animal corpses sped up so you can see the entropic rotting of the flesh….but I digress, if only in an effort to create and use the work entropic. And where was I going with this. Oh yes. Parrots. Budgies. And predictions of the future. Kiss my ass, Nostradamus. You’re nothing but a good name for a bad metal band. Victor the Budgie, on the other hand, now that is a name that makes me quake in my metaphysical boots.

In an effort to assist you all with the coming transition, to hold your hands and pull up your blankies, tuck you in at night, give you warm milk and cookies, comfort you, cuddle you, and give you the warm fuzzies that you all need to cope with the fact that you only have 7 more years (after all, that is what I’m here to do. I’m Hobbs von Wackamole, Humanity’s wet nurse for the end of our world) of existence as we know it, these columns are here to help you get there. No, not over there, you idiot. 7 years goes by fast, and after that magical date, what ever will we see. I can’t tell you. Not yet. That would be incorrect. But I’ll keep you safe, and guide you there. Not to worry. You’ll find what you need. You’ll find me rambling about nothing on a Monday morning. Isn’t this comforting?

I vote we replace the government with birds. Future predicting parrots, to be precise. Or maybe we should replace the churches with them. Each pulpit gets a bird in a cage. They can tell you even more than I can. The can help you prepare.

“Hobbs von Wackamole, What the hell are you talking about?” you are probably saying right now. I’m used to it. People have a hard time thinking on my level. “You never studied,” to quote the wise philosopher and demon hunter Ray Stantz.

Victor the Budgie is a parrot who has been predicting the future. No one listens to Parrots, however, which is why I have now become the advocate for Victor’s rise to some sort of theological metaphysical power in our system. Seven years, people. We don’t have much time. Victor and his gang must be heard. Read this, see what we’ve been missing:

“….parrot intelligence researcher Ryan Reynolds, shared some talking budgie predictions concerning natural disasters and the end times. According to Reynolds, parrots possess highly advanced communication skills and a "metaphysical connection" to the universe that allows them to predict future events.
Reynolds said two birds, Ditto and Pipsqueak, spoke about earthquakes leading up to the recent Pakistan tremblor. George played a recording of one budgie saying "tsunami," which Reynolds claims occurred before the Indonesian tragedy. Reynolds also suggested that parrots are concerned about the future and feel that the end times are coming.”

And see our ignorance:
“Many scientist, biologists and animal intelligence researchers are reluctant to admit that parrots can use context and speak in some form of conversational language. Some guardians who have had exceptional talking budgies and thought they were speaking in context were never believed.”

Hell, even Nostradamus apparently knew he was going to be replaced, usurped even:

“I was just doing some research on Nostradamus because in one of the recordings, a budgie mentioned his name and said that his predictions are all coming true. During this research I was surprised to find this on one of Nostradamus' prediction pages.
In Century 2 Quadrant 75 it says:
"The voice of the unusual bird is heard, In the pipe of the breathing floor:"
Could the bird be our budgies and could the pipe of the breathing
floor be conduits carrying computer signals? Could the breathing floor be our heating systems and heat registers.

Also another quadrant at
"House pets to communicate with man"
3,44 : House pets finally communicate with man. Life then possible outside the planet. A new tyrant sows terror. Events to come.
In another prediction in the Bible, Ecclesiastics 12 says:
"12:4 And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low;"
Hear the voice of Victor the Budgie that Nostradamus may have been talking about
here. Victor even predicted the fall of the twin towers with surprising accuracy before he died in March of 2001.
Several months ago some of the budgies in our group started saying that they could predict earthquakes and warned of a major earthquake catastrophe on the horizon. December 25th, 2004 a major earthquake did hit, killing over a 100,000 people in Asia. “

Even the BIBLE said so. And if its in a book, it must be true! Well, generally, any book but the bible, but in this case, I may make an exception…..

Perhaps in time, we will grow to love our Parrot overlords. WAIT, SCRATCH THAT. FORGET IT. PRETEND I SAID NOTHING ABOUT PARROT OVERLORDS…

Simply move on with your lives, pretend nothing is happening, as you always do. Everything will be ok. Just be nice to birds. You’ll thank me later………..i gotta go!


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