People ask the dumbest questions...

...I have a friend who is a real cat person. I mean, seriously, the guy has like 6 of the freaking things! Because of this, everyone he works with asks him cat questions. 'My Cat is sick. What should I do?" "My cat licks wallpaper. What does this mean?" and so on.

Today, he sent me the following stupid question that he received:

"How do I get ride of static in my cats fur? It's driving me crazy. When I pet her than touch her ears or nose, I shock her and she is getting really pissed about that. Help! "

(I feel like Dr. Murk here!)
Dear Scientifically Challenged Person,
Take a damn middle school science class, will you? What do you know about Static Electricity? Obviously NOTHING. Static electricity occurs more often in a dry climate, such as in winter. Here is some information on Static Electricity:
Static electricity is the situation where electrical charges build up on the surface of a material. It is called “static” because there is no current flowing as in AC or DC electricity. Static electricity is usually caused when materials are rubbed together. The result is that objects may be attracted to each other or may even cause a spark to jump from one object to the other. Common examples of static electricity in action are static cling, flyaway hair and the sparks that can occur when you touch something.
When the air is humid, water molecules can collect on the surface of various materials. This can prevent the buildup of electrical charges. The reason has to do with the shape of the water molecule and its own electrical forces.
Thus, static electricity is formed much better when the air is dry or the humidity is low.

So, to answer your stupid question, either A) Stop petting the damn thing, or at least don't touch it's ears or nose without touching metal first, or B) Buy a friggin humidifyer.

Either way, take a science class, and shut up!