Tuesday, January 03, 2006

An open letter to today’s news….

….Dear West Virginia, people still mine coal???
….Dear Abramoff, go lobby a heroin pusher, bitch, and change your name.
….Dear Iraq, learn to vote, then show Americans how…
….Dear Homeland Security, go live in a bomb shelter. We’ll call you when its cool to come out…
….Dear Wildfires, please destroy all of Texas. When you are done, I’ll provide you a nice maze to follow. You can save us a lot of time. Make sure to hit the Bush family…
….Dear George Bush, you are not a patriot, nor is your patriot act. Leave the thinking to someone who can…
….Dear Donald Trump, can’t you just by happy and rich and quiet and not on TV?
…..Dear Sport, do you really deserve your own huge portion of the news? I mean, fine, exist and entertain people. I don’t think entertainment should be in the news either. I mean, not the evening news. Get your own shows to talk about shows and games. The newspaper, well, that’s fine. But fuck off talking about the game on the 30 minute news when the next 30 minutes is going to be, you guessed it, sports news…
….Dear California, face it, while many of you folks are great, we love you, our mirror imaged bookend, maybe its time you all pack it up and head back east. We need you here. We know its cold, but if you all came back, maybe we could be our own country. You know its all gonna be underwater soon
…..Dear Independence Air, well, bye..
…Dear Fred Savage, we were better off with you gone. Now, you are tarnished.
…Dear American Idol, you make a mockery of what was once an art form..
….Dear Scientists, do we really need to know or care about Mozarts skull? Or what an elephant eats his whole life by studying one hair from his tail? And if you need to add ‘leap seconds’ cuz the planet is slowing, can’t we just get a new calendar??
…Dear Church selling Toilet paper. WHAT? Just shut down..
…Dear guy who’s cat dialed 911 when he collapsed. Nice work, buddy!
All this and more to waste your time at your local internet News center.


At 4:45 PM, Blogger Joey Polanski said...

Im outta Charmin. Where can I buy summa them holy rollrs?

At 3:31 PM, Blogger Dr. R. Murk said...

Ohhhh, you'll love the New Murk and Malach Show. All about the NFL Playoffs!!!


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