Today's News...

...Ah, its the usual maddness going on in the world. We've got Scooter tattling on the President, as I'm sure you've all heard. Child Welfare paid little ol' Britney WhiteTrash Spears a little earlier, but refused to tattle on her (wow, its like, she's a celebrity, but her personal affairs are, like, Private? What a World!!). Another Shocker, Gas prices are on the rise again. Those greedy seal clubbing Canadians must be getting greedy! What's that you say? No silly, we don't get much oil from the Middle East. Thats what we call Dis-In-For-Mation!
...Speaking of Disinformation, who wants to go to war with Iran? OOH OOh! We might as well try to take over the entire Middle East. I bet there is some great property over there. Have a nice summer home on the Ocean? Halliburton's executive vacation spot? Sure. Course, we have to stop them from irradiating the land first, with that wacky Nuclear Power. So, we can always just Bomb em!
...Speaking of invasions, we might as well take over outerspace, and while we're there, play some golf. We've got a European Spacecraft orbiting Venus, and a top Russian Space Company planning on setting up permanent bases on the moon to 'tap its energy resources,' then move on to Mars. Of course, they'll probably awaken some sort of angry space demons or something....
...Speaking of Demons, they've found the Necronomicon!!! Yes, the book bound in Human Skin was found on some street in England! My My, what will the find next. The bones of Giant Prehistoric Sloths? YES, they will!
....and in happier news, our Idiotic Figurehead (not the real leader, Dick) GWB was awarded the Muzzle award for being such a threat to Free Speech, and you'll be happy to know that the Christian Coalition's numbers are dropping rapidly, while their debt keeps on rising!!

Nice job, kiddies. We're getting there. The Catholics are falling, Pat Robertson is falling, and the truth is coming out everywhere. Keep it up!